A little more than three weeks ago, I put down my dog, Lumiere. I had Lumiere, also known as Lumi, for 15 and a half years. When I look back at where my life was all that time ago, it feels like ages. Lumi was my constant for many years. He got me through undergrad, graduate school, apartments, relationships, jobs and everything else in the middle. Lumiere had the best life a dog could ask for. He went to dog parties, visited every dog park in the tri-county area, he sat on Santa’s lap around the holidays and attended every event he could with me. Lumiere traveled the state and loved the visit friends and family.
Around three years ago, the first signs of aging really start to set in. Lumiere could no longer run 5k’s or even go for long walks. His hips starting giving out and he was walking funny. His teeth started going and so did some of his weight. He was diagnosed with arthritis and given every treatment known to man. Overall the past three years, he slowly and then quickly started to decline and before I knew it and wanted to admit it, it was his time to go.
To say these three weeks have been hard would be an understatement. One thing I learned is that grief hits in waves and sometimes I wasn’t even expecting it to come when it did. It’s through my grief that I decided to share ways I’ve been managing the overwhelming feelings of sadness, especially since I needed to be present for my significant other, my clients and myself.
Cry when you need to cry
The tears will come. For me, they’ve come at night, at work, at the weirdest times and whenever I talk about him. I cried when I saw a dog that Lumiere was close to. When you feel like crying, give yourself permission to cry.
Let go of the guilt
Part of putting a dog down is the guilt that goes along with it. “I could have done more”. “I should have waited a week”. “I needed to do it sooner so he didn’t suffer”. When you stay in the feelings of guilt, it prevents you from feeling sad and having a healthy grief response. When guilty feelings come up, learn to let them go.
Talk about it with people
Find a one or two people you can really open up to about your feelings and thoughts. Find someone who will force you to talk about it when you don’t really feel like it. Talking emotions and feelings out is another important step in grieving appropriately.
Show gratitude for your time together
Find small ways to be in gratitude of your animal. I bought a bracelet from Etsy and I wear it everyday to honor my relationship with Lumiere. You can donate money to the ASPCA or donate your pet’s old things to the local animal shelter.
Write it all out
Keep a journal about your relationship with your pet. Write out a timeline of the events you had together. Write a good-bye letter when you are ready to. Write a thank you letter for everything they did for you. Writing is another tool you can use to learn to release feelings of grief and loss.
I encourage anyone reading to share a picture of your pet, either living or passed. My goal is to celebrate my dog’s life by appreciating and honoring him with this blogpost and in my life. The wound of a pet loss will probably always be there (I’ve talked to a lot of people who shared this sentiment) but with each day, the wound will hurt less and less.
Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP , Mental Health Counselor of the Year by the Florida Mental Health Counseling Association, decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Amanda has been a therapist for ten years and has a private practice in Wellington, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and substance abuse in teenagers and young adults. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here.
To schedule an appointment, call or text Amanda at 954-378-5381 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.
I remember when my ? passed away in 2/2015 it was a sad time only to be compounded two months later by cancer diagnosis. So completely understand.