Are you feeling disconnected from your partner? Are you excited about Valentine’s Day and looking for ways to reconnect with your significant other? Feeling connected in a relationship is an important component that you can help to create.  Being connected means you and your partner are taking time for each other on a regular basis to talk, have fun, discuss serious issues, set life goals and generally make sure the two of you are in tune.

Does this mean you and your partner need to agree about everything? Absolutely not.

 Does it mean you and your partner need to spend every waking minute together?  Absolutely not.  

It means that you and your significant other make a concentrated effort to have the best relationship the two of you can have at any given moment.  So, that might mean date nights are only once a month when you have small children.

If love is in the air and it’s time to connect with your partner, here are five strategies you can use in order to kindle your relationship.

1. Share your feelings, not the stories of the day

Instead of telling them what happened during the day, share about how you felt about what happened. Use the following feeling words to describe your experience: anger, sadness, fear, shame and happy.

2. Tell them every night for a week three things you appreciate about them

Being grateful for your partner and sharing your gratitude is a simple way to connect.  Let them know what you appreciate and you can ask them to do the same for you.

3. Plan a special date night and do something they love to do

Instead of thinking about what you want to do for date night, think about something your partner would love to do and then plan it.  Sometimes when we think about the other person’s needs and wants instead of our own, we connect on a deeper level with them.

4. Go out of your way to do something nice for them

Has your wife been putting off getting her oil changed?  Surprise her by picking up her car and getting it serviced for her.  Doing things for other people can bring as much joy to ourselves as it brings to the other person.

5. Write them a love note and leave it somewhere they will find later

When was the last time you wrote your loved one a note and left it for them?  It can be as simple as “I love you” on a napkin or you can write a long love letter.  The choice is yours but leaving little reminders on a regular basis can help keep you connected.

If none of these things seem authentic for you, go ahead and make up your own list.  Think about the five love languages: touch, time spent, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service, when you are identifying what way to connect.  The bottom line is your partner will probably just appreciate the effort you put in, as opposed to the actual act of love.

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP , Mental Health Counselor of the Year by the Florida Mental Health Counseling Association,  decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Amanda has been a therapist for ten years and has a private practice in Wellington, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and substance abuse in teenagers and young adults. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here.

To schedule an appointment, call or text Amanda at 954-378-5381 or email her at amanda@amandapattersonlmhc.com.