The way through resentments in a relationship is through forgiveness. I’m reminded of the serenity prayer when I think of past hurts in a relationship. “God granted me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. Behaviors in the past cannot be changed. They can be processed and forgiven, but never changed. It’s a good place to adopt the serenity prayer and realize that accepting and forgiving are the way out of resentment.
How do you forgive someone?
Write it all down and get it off of your chest. If this is a resentment you’ve shared with your significant other and it hasn’t gotten any better and you still have it stored in you, then it needs to go down on paper. Write it all out and sit in those emotions. If sadness comes up, then go to sadness and let the tears flow. If anger comes up, find a release for your anger. Write it all out until you’ve exhausted every word, feeling and story related to the resentment.
Time to forgive.
You have to make a conscious decision to forgive and then live in that forgiveness every day. Let them know you are forgiving them. Sit your significant other down and tell them about your path of forgiveness and let them know what your commitment to forgiveness will look like in your relationship. An activity you can do is what’s called “70 times 7”. For seven days, write down 70 times that you forgive that person. It would look like this: “I, Suzy, forgive you Bob for not communicating your needs”. When you run out of things to write you simply write “I forgive you for everything”. This is a very therapeutic exercise that can bring closure to you in situations where you were previously unable to forgive.
Still having a difficult time forgiving? Schedule an appointment with a therapist to explore deeper wounds keeping you from living in forgiveness.
Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. Since then, she has started a private practice in Wellington, Florida, specializing in depression, anxiety relationship issues, and substance abuse. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life. Find out more about her practice here. For a free 15-minute consultation, call or text Amanda at 954-378-5381 or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.